Life Unexpected

Moxie isn't just for weight loss and transformation, it is a required characteristic to overcome nearly every challenge we might face.  That has never been more real in my life than this last week.

My year started out with the best possible scenario - back on track with health goals. And delighting in the best news - a surprise pregnancy!!  I was thrilled at the adventure of experiencing a fit pregnancy and turning 40 at the same time.  It was a chance I had given up on nearly 9 years ago,  I was so full of hope as my wonderful husband and I began making plans for our new little arrival and all the possibilities that came with it. Postponing my half marathon, scheduling doctor visits, moving rooms, and adjusting to baby mode began.   

Then just as quickly as the surprise came, it stopped.  Like 1/3 of all pregnancies, mine abruptly ended and in a matter of hours I was empty.  Literally and emotionally.  Nothing.  

Over the next few days of sitting in my emptiness I began to reflect on the strength of character I needed to muster up in order to move forward with life and realized such strength has been a big part of my life for the last few years.  Unexpected gifts come during trials, and here is what I have been reminded of.

I am strong.  I may not be able to run right now, and my heart may be broken, but, I can walk and broken hearts heal.  I  know...mine has had a couple of bad breaks.  I can do something.  I can take care of my body and work on making it a better version.  I can take care of my spirit and let it heal as well.  This may be a game I lost, but there are more down the line and I will come back stronger.  

I am brave.  I know I can do this.  Though losing my baby felt harder to do than finish my marathon, this is just another challenge that I will take.  I will move forward. One failed attempt does not define me as much as the times I try again.  I will find my brave and do it again.  

I feel.  And those feelings are real. I will not eat them or ignore them. I will let them pass through me and refine me as a refiners fire.  I will be gentle with myself and not be afraid to take care of me when I need it. 
I also will not  allow myself to wallow in sadness.  

I am grateful.  For so many wonderful things!  For continued health, friends who understand and love, a husband who is there at every step in this process, and for the knowledge that my body might still be able to create a little life.  Up until a couple of months ago, I thought that was impossible.  

I will get back to where I once was and I will be a better version of me afterwards.  Life throws unexpected joys and unexpected pain.  The trick is to seek understanding of what both have to offer.


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