Day One - Labor & Delivery
After being told that we would be having an emergency c-section that afternoon, we were scurried off to the same room where we met with the geneticist. I remembered the conversation at 12 weeks upon finding her hygroma. They asked if we wanted to continue with the pregnancy and conduct more decisive testing. We opted for neither, wanting to give Willa her best chance at life. The hygroma had resolved by 22 weeks, she was given a clean heart scan at Primary Children's, and we had no indication in that moment that the complications we were facing were a result of Trisomy 18. The pregnancy hadn't been easy (as was promised to me in a blessing) but the Lord had been there. to guide and comfort. We began to accept this new mountain path and prepared ourselves for a preemie baby.
"I need a blessing right now," I said to Phillip as we sat there together with his arms around me trying to calm my sobbing. He promptly pulled out a chair and began to tell me to be at peace, that Heavenly Father loved me and knew my fears. He told me to rest assured that this was indeed His design for our little family, and that our sweet baby girl was ready to start her mortal life.
We were then sent to Labor & Delivery where I was prepped for surgery and waited until my body had digested what little food I had eaten that day. We sat there for several hours, listening to her heartbeat, filling out paperwork, making necessary phone calls to family and work, She must have realized it was her birthday and something big was about to happen because she was her movements were bigger and more frequent. I was eager to see her, yet so afraid for her to come so early. My body seemed to instinctively know the paradox of my mind. It was too soon, but the right timing all in the same thought.
Amid the chaos and fear I felt this odd calmness prodding me along - giving me an assurance that this was right where I was supposed to be that day. And that the events were unfolding just as they should like the scenes in a movie. At 3:00 I was wheeled into surgery, and at 3:45 she was born. Weighing in at a magnificent 2 pounds 12 and spanning just 15 inches. Immediately it was discovered that tiny placenta (size of a smartphone) was as deteriorating ...falling apart in my doctors hands. There was nothing left of it for them to even biopsy, and was most likely the cause of her complications. She was rushed to nearby nurses and Dad rushed to her side where she was cleaned and assessed. My first view of her was after they sewed my incision and pushed my bed into her room for a brief moment. All that dark hair! She was absolutely beautiful! I fell immediately in love and longed to hold her. From my perspective, I could see nothing amiss other that she was so incredibly tiny! Tiny and feisty all wrapped up in a beautiful dark haired package. She was perfect in every way, and I couldn't wait to snuggle and feed her, read and sing to her, and LOVE her! That would have to wait until I could recover enough to go down to the NICU wing. Looking back, I realize that I never got the impression that she was going to be okay, nor did Heavenly Father promise me that she would live a long full healthy life. Just that she was ready...and ready she was.
"I need a blessing right now," I said to Phillip as we sat there together with his arms around me trying to calm my sobbing. He promptly pulled out a chair and began to tell me to be at peace, that Heavenly Father loved me and knew my fears. He told me to rest assured that this was indeed His design for our little family, and that our sweet baby girl was ready to start her mortal life.
We were then sent to Labor & Delivery where I was prepped for surgery and waited until my body had digested what little food I had eaten that day. We sat there for several hours, listening to her heartbeat, filling out paperwork, making necessary phone calls to family and work, She must have realized it was her birthday and something big was about to happen because she was her movements were bigger and more frequent. I was eager to see her, yet so afraid for her to come so early. My body seemed to instinctively know the paradox of my mind. It was too soon, but the right timing all in the same thought.
Amid the chaos and fear I felt this odd calmness prodding me along - giving me an assurance that this was right where I was supposed to be that day. And that the events were unfolding just as they should like the scenes in a movie. At 3:00 I was wheeled into surgery, and at 3:45 she was born. Weighing in at a magnificent 2 pounds 12 and spanning just 15 inches. Immediately it was discovered that tiny placenta (size of a smartphone) was as deteriorating ...falling apart in my doctors hands. There was nothing left of it for them to even biopsy, and was most likely the cause of her complications. She was rushed to nearby nurses and Dad rushed to her side where she was cleaned and assessed. My first view of her was after they sewed my incision and pushed my bed into her room for a brief moment. All that dark hair! She was absolutely beautiful! I fell immediately in love and longed to hold her. From my perspective, I could see nothing amiss other that she was so incredibly tiny! Tiny and feisty all wrapped up in a beautiful dark haired package. She was perfect in every way, and I couldn't wait to snuggle and feed her, read and sing to her, and LOVE her! That would have to wait until I could recover enough to go down to the NICU wing. Looking back, I realize that I never got the impression that she was going to be okay, nor did Heavenly Father promise me that she would live a long full healthy life. Just that she was ready...and ready she was.
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