Sleepless in Slaterville

I miss her most at night or in the early morning hours when there are no daily life noises to distract my soul.   My womb aches to feel her kick and move - the sweet reassurances that she's there, growing and living.  Precious interaction between mother and daughter that should have lasted much longer. 
Two weeks ago I was a new NICU mommy medicating my c-section pain, waking every few hours so that I could pump precious milk, and being wheeled down to another wing in the hospital to see my girl.  I was so hopeful and optimistic for her strength and growth, singing her Primary Songs through incubator glass.
One week ago I lay sleepless with a tear-stained pillow, having said good-bye to my baby. Relishing in my memories of watching her stretch in joy having all her tubes removed, giving her a sponge bath, and dressing her tiny body. I sang to her again, and watched her fall asleep for the last time. 
Tonight I lay with tears rolling again. I long to have her in my arms for a late night feeding, to change a diaper and to watch her tiny body breathing.   To take in her scent,  and to feel her warm skin on mine.   My body and soul were so prepared for motherhood and now they just seem lost and aching for her.  The reassuring familiar kicks are now aches from incisions and sutures. 
I want to wake up tomorrow to find out this was all a bad dream, but I know its not and I will miss her tomorrow and every day.
Goodnight Baby Girl.  Mommy loves you.

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