Life Happens

Before I lost 115 pounds, I believed that true success was measured by losing the weight once, and then never looking back - abandoning that life, that body, and that person.
Now, I believe that true success is found in accepting and loving ourselves at whatever size that body is and always opting for possibilities.
I am starting a new journey.
In 2013 I had some health related issues that triggered a 30 pound gain.  Just as I was getting those resolved, I became pregnant with my 2nd child.  I miscarried in January, and was pregnant again with my third baby in early March.  A daughter.  A beautiful precious girl with a full head of dark hair and a spunky non--conforming personality detectable in ultrasounds.  Since I had miscarried during exercise, I had convinced my brain that I had to take it easy with her to make sure she arrived healthy.  (Losing a baby really messes with you.)
 Then, my sweet Willa arrived early in October and only gave us 8 days to meet and love her in person. And then she was gone.  Suddenly I fell in to the pools of Trisomy 18, Baby Loss, and Post Partum.  SIMULTANEOUSLY.
So here I am, post double pregnancy and post double baby loss.  I am up....drum roll.....80 pounds from where I feel the best, and I am determined to not stay here long.
You see, I didn't "find" the old weight I "lost."  Nope.  Life happened.  Grieving is happening.  There were more important things on my priority list than counting my macros and running.  I was a beautiful sacred space where 2 babies lived and grew for a short while.  I am fully recovered from an emergency c-section that brought to life a beautiful angel baby that changed people's lives.
I will not allow myself to be controlled by negative thoughts of shame or failure.  I will embrace this new journey, apply all the knowledge and skills I have to get me there most efficiently, and I will inspire others along the way.
Here is to getting back to the basics......and here is to reclaiming my victory over food addiction and to becoming the new and improved gumption girl.  

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