The Gift of A New Day

I LOVE logging my first meal of the day.  Fresh slate,  clean paper,  or in my case all zero's on MFP.  A chance to start again. A do-over.   And, its not just for the physical goals I am striving to maintain like food and exercise.  It's for  emotions,  pain, fears, negative thoughts,  worries, letting go, helping others,  forgiving,  and all the other things that feed (or starve) my soul.   Each day a chance to dare and be a little stronger, a little better than the 24 hours before.
I especially like that feeling of renewal when the previous day wasn't so great. For me...yesterday was one.   I woke up feeling like the day was already bigger than me.  Like all the negative I fight off each day was already winning and my feet hadn't touched the floor.   I held on for dear life most of it, and was grateful when my head hit the pillow. 

And then it hit me....
It had been exactly three months to the day I found out my beautiful preemie daughter was terminally ill.  My days with her were suddenly numbered -to what I could count on one hand.  My optimism train crashed and hope escaped me. It was the longest day of my life.  Though I hadn't remember it was the anniversary, my soul hadn't forgotten and it was not functioning at full capacity. Everything felt overwhelming...because it was. Living without her is sometimes too much of everything for my body and soul.  I've learned to honor that and provide the space and time I need to heal. Not every day is or needs to be perfect.
Today is a new day. She's still gone, but it's a. new 24 hours.  All zeros.  Fresh slate.  And (although it's only 10 AM) I already can tell it might be a good day, and I will be grateful for it.  I will eat to fuel this amazing body God has given me, give it some exercise to make it stronger, I will feed my soul and carefully guard it's still tender heart.
Here's to the next 24 hours...

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