Smiles Willa, we love you!

Dear Willa,

Happy Easter in Heaven! It is a big day - Easter Sunday, Conference Weekend our wedding anniversary.  We were sealed for time and all eternity two years ago, and how grateful I am for that day - sealing you to us forever.  You were born into a family that loves and misses your fiercely, and we look forward to that day when your little sacred final resting spot is empty and you live again with full health and vitality, never to be taken away from us again.  Easter sort of feels like Mother's Day to me because all of the quotes, talks and scriptures are centered on Jesus Chirist and his death and resurrection, giving us each the gift of that same power over death.  It is a gift that I have become more grateful for over the last few months.  The promise that your tiny little body will too be resurrected and once again in my arms and your daddy's.

Bonneville Shoreline 4-5-15

I want you to know that I am smiling again, baby girl.  We are smiling again.  There are days when I don't recognize myself, and think that the grief and longing for you will consume me. But there are also good days, and I think I may be able to find the happy me again - for your.  In honor of you.  Most of the time I smile when I think of you, snuggle your baby blanket, and remember the precious moments I had you in my arms.

I am so grateful for this body (as out of shape as it is) that it grew and gave me you for your short beautiful life. I am grateful for your daddy who has loved me and supported unconditionally and immensely since you left.  He loves and misses you too.  I am grateful for friends that God has risen up to help me get through living without you, for that is what  I must settle for.  A life on this earth without you.  One of these friends (Enzley's mom) posted the following quote, and as I read it, I realized that the smile and gratitude in my heart are the blossoms of hope. When I see the signs of spring as we did on our hike today (thank you for the pink flowers and butterflies by the way) I am reminded that hope too can blossom from the same trees and roots when spring comes after a long dark winter.  That idea encourages me...and makes me smile.  Again.

"When the heart is enlivened again, 

it feels like the sun coming out after a week of rainy days. 

There is hope in the heart that chases the clouds away. 

Hope is a higher heart frequency, 

and as you begin to reconnect with your heart, 

hope is waiting to show you new possibilities 

and arrest the downward spiral of grief and loneliness. 

It becomes a matter of how soon you want the sun to shine. 

Listening to the still, Small choice in your heart will make hope a reality."

 -Sara Paddison