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Dear Willa, Ill years ago I was listening to the October Conferences as I am today.  Howevern I was in the Conference Center with your big brother just 6 rows away from our prophet.  I was dating Daddy and he had already told me how much he loved me, but I was still afraid of moving forward towards marriage with anyone.  I had been so hurt and was so scared to be hurt again. I was listening in conference particularly for answers from God through his servants as to what I should do.  Elder Neil Anderson said 2 things that spoke so plainly to me.  First he said, "The gift of faith is priceless." To me that meant you Daddy was priceless as I saw and felt his faith. In me, in God, in himself, and in his answer from God that I was to be his wife.  And though I didn't know it then his next phrase would prove so true in our future life together.   He said,  "No trial is so large we can't overcome it together . "  We were married the weeken...

In 2007, I accomplished something most people never do.  I lost 115 pounds the old-fashioned way. No gimmicks, no fad diets.  I got in the "drivers seat" with my brain, I moved my body, fueled it as best I could.  Over time, I learned to appreciate my body at every size and shape, and to find gratitude the simplest of moments.  I learned the value of rest for both mind and body.  I truly found my "sweet spot" for optimal health, and I called it my Moxie.  I stayed in that "place" for almost 10 years and worked as a NASM Certified Personal Trainer for about 5 years as a way of not only paying it forward to help others but to keep my life active.  I promised myself I would never "go back. Looking back, it was because I was afraid.  Afraid  I wouldn't have the strength or the Moxie to do it again. Turns out it was just a dress rehearsal. Fast forward to 2019 and I am still digging through the ashes of a few disastrous years to find my Moxie agai...

Understanding food addiction was one of the ways I was better able to navigate my way through making lasting changes to better my health.  A book I love (to the point the jacket is in shambles) is called It's Not What You're Eating, It's What's Eating You" by Janet Greeson) says this: There is a widespread myth about food addicts tha t control is their main issue. I disagree.    Control is a symptom.  The core issue is powerlessness .  The food addict gives away power to the food.  Think of the power people give away to that "just one" potato chip that will lead to a binge. Because people with eating disorders think in terms of controlling what they eat, they are often very rigid in their attitude.  After all, addiction to food is much more difficult to live with than an addiction to alcohol or other substances from which people can totally abstain . I don't believe in focusing on control .  It makes as much sense as treating and allergic r...

While strength training with a new coach this morning (my sweet Cassie moved away) I started to think about this body of mine.  Even though it is technically the same body, for many years after I lost the original 100+ pounds I was afraid of ever going "back" of ever returning to this version of my body.  It sounds like a silly fear, but it was real to me.  When you spend some time in the fitness industry, it becomes harder to ignore the notion that you will never arrive at a goal - but you always need to be chasing one.  The number on the scale to change, a higher weight lifted, more repetitions,  I mean really the list could go on.  It's about always being MORE. The danger with it is the labels that come from that process.  My worth and self-esteem got all kinds of tied up in them.  Relationships were based on those behaviors.  As long as I was always getting stronger, pushing myself, and having perfect nutrition, I was loved.  I was a...

I have been thinking about starting another blog for quite some time.  Actually, if you notice my posted dated  Thursday, March 14, 2013, it has been about 6 years.  Ironic huh?   I did have a good run with the moxiebymichele blog but then it changed a couple of more times, and then my life story had a huge plot twist, and everything got turned upside down and shaken - like a snow globe.  I still feel like I am grasping for the pieces still left floating in the air.   I am not the same woman I was before it all happened.  Before I took a huge leap back in to the Mommy ring, only to be beaten several times by miscarriage, and finally the rare chance of a chromosomal mutation.  For more on that you can read www.willamichele.blogspot.com .  Although bereavement and grief have drastically altered by body and mind, in a way that I can't explain they have also forged something new in me - something so significant that could only come thro...

Originally posted in Moxie Memoirs on 10/13/2017 As I have tried to dig through the mess of the last three years, and perhaps find some good resources to pass on to friends and clients, I stumbled on the work of  Dr. Melissa McCreery and her website .  There has been WAY too much on my plate for multiple years, and to be honest the last three were the tipping point.  They took everything I had learned about health and fitness, boxed it up and shoved it in the back of my mental closet where I didn’t have to face the incongruity of my life of a health professional with an unhealthy physical and mental state.  Some days I felt like I had been living someone else’s life.   Since changing some habits and getting my brain to function better, I am able to step back and see the how the severity of what I was going through led to where I was. Dr. McCreery’s BEAST info-graphic was like a freakish road map to my unplanned, emotional, haphazard eating habits. I was hun...

Posted in Moxie Memoirs on 03/28/2018 Some weeks I feel like a rock star. Food (the constant thinking and eating of it) and finding time for exercise come effortlessly. I set out to follow my plan designed to reach my goals and it seems to intuitively come together. I feel a little bit like my authentic self..my body and soul in harmony. It’s a feeling of wholeness that I can’t explain but savor when I find it. Some weeks..not so much. Weeks like this last one – no matter how I try or plan I find I can’t quite reach that. Things happen and crowd out my plans. The Gremlins start smack-talking about my  worth  and  willpower  and suddenly I’ve faded in to the background of my own life. My tendency is to default to feeling like a  failure - and  I’m trying to pause before my brain absorbs that and invites more Gremlins to the table. Truth is – life isn’t perfect and with all I have going on, setbacks are inevitable. I’ve learned to be prepared for them. In ord...

Purpose is a funny word for me when it comes to grief and baby loss.  Purpose of my life.  Purpose of suffering.  Purpose in extra chromosomes. Purpose in early births.  Purpose in infertility.  I think I always believed that there was a purpose  in everything, but I as I have plunged forward in the last few years, I haven't been able to make sense of most of it.  I haven't been able to find a purpose in most of it.  I can't believe in my heart that purpose is equal to suffering and pain.  On the other side the last few years have created a different purpose for me.  I now seek to help other moms that have suffered baby loss through volunteering for Utah Share.  I have found a deeper sense of empathy for others in their own suffering.  I have had to find new purpose in my life in regards to children.  They are not coming - at least not in this earthly time frame.  It was an entire shift of purpose for me. 

In 2007, I accomplished something most people never do.  I lost 115 pounds the old-fashioned way.  No gimmicks, no fad diets.  I got in the "drivers seat" with my brain, I moved my body, fueled it as best I could.  Over time, I learned to appreciate my body at every size and shape, and to find gratitude the simplest of moments.  I learned the value of rest for both mind and body.  I truly found my "sweet spot" for optimal health, and I called it my Moxie. Fast forward to 2017 and I am digging through the ashes of a few disastrous years to find my Moxie again.  Four years ago I found and married my soul mate.  The next year we lost 2 babies.  One to miscarriage before we even got to see it's beating heart, and the second was our 8 day old daughter who was beautifully and wonderfully made with one extra 18th chromosome.  We never got to bring her home.  I buried my baby girl in a tiny white daisy-clad casket, and my life crashed as a ...

It is really hard to wear the Mother Cap when little ones are missing.  This was too good to not post here.  Sweet Willa, I will FOREVER be your mother, and I pray I live in a way that makes you proud of me.   What Makes a Mother  by Jennifer Wasik I thought of you and closed my eyes And prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother And I know I heard him say... A mother has a baby This we know is true. But, God, can you be a mother when your baby is not with you? Yes, you can He replied, With confidence in His voice. I give many women babies When they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, And others just for a day. And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat And then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you What your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile With other children and say: "We go to earth to learn our lessons...

For my first job as a trainer, I was required to sign an agreement that I would follow a healthy diet, exercise regularly and maintain a proper weight as I was an example to the gym members (including my own clients).  It was another "moment" of success for me on my transformation journey.  I had gone from the 300 pound client unable to safely walk on a treadmill to an example of health.  I was on top of my game, was no longer pursuing fat loss, and felt like I had arrived at my final transformational destination.  It was almost as if I was immune to the weight and health problems that plagued my life for nearly 3 decades.  There was nothing to hide and I was truly living my best life in full color, out loud, and with no regrets.  I was no longer vulnerable to the shame and criticism that sadly so often accompanies those of us who struggle with weight.  I had escaped!    For so many years I felt trapped, and I felt like I had to hide.  I...

One of those poems that spoke peace and comfort to my heart that first year, and still helps me keep a true perspective when my mortal heart begins to ache and question as the tears flow because I miss you so much!  One I also like to pass on to other mommas, and the reason I leave you white roses. Love you forever baby girl... THE WHITE ROSE All the Earth's mothers and fathers were gathered together at God's garden of flowers. Those beautiful budding spirits, who would someday come to Earth, were nurtured and tended in the garden. A loving Father spoke to the Mothers and Fathers: "See the works of my hands, someday you will be the parents of these radiant spirits." The garden glowed with mixtures of all kinds and colors. "Choose Ye." He said. One by one mothers and fathers stepped forward. I want the blue-eyed curly haired one, who will grow to maturity and be a mother in Zion. Yet another chose a brown-eyed, brown haired boy, full of life and love who woul...

It is Halloween week which is often a time when people fall off track, but I know you are stronger than that!  You can prepare for a Healthy Halloween and enjoy the season and festivities on your terms! Check out these tools from the American Heart Association  to see which ones will help you stay on your health plan to reach your goals!   (Link to FULL article here) For the Trick-or-Treater Fill up first. What kid doesn’t want to eat their favorite candy right when it goes into their trick-or-treat bag? Having a healthy meal BEFORE your kids go trick-or-treating can reduce their temptation to snack while walking or to overindulge, because their tummies will be full. Bag it. Be sure to find the right size collection bag for your child and steer clear of the pillow case method. If you encourage your child to only take one piece of candy from each house, they’ll be able to visit more houses in the neighborhood. Get rid of it ! Worried you’ll have leftover Halloween candy ...

Grief is really hard work. They warned me it would be. I have experienced it before, but I wasn't prepared for the depth I would feel it.  Ironic how I felt I loved her to nearly an equal depth, but just a little more.  I would have given my life to let her live.   "Time heals all wounds."   I have wanted to believe that was true.  It has been two years, and I can honestly say that my wounds still feel gaped open, exposed, and desperately trying to do that healing thing.   For two years I have been trying to pick up the ashes and pieces of my broken heart and life in order to fashion them in to something resembling "healed."  But each time I take a step back the pieces fall apart again - like they are put together with cheap glue.  And I don't think I will ever feel complete in this life.  Not that I can't find happiness, but a piece of me went with her that day.  And I can only live my best with it still missing.      Nob...

Whether it’s a friend, co-worker, family members, or a larger, more organized group, working with others can make ALL the difference. When two or more people share similar goals and values, people create synergy. So, along with encouraging each other, you’ll have someone to walk with, dine with, and build healthy habits with.  Who can this be?   • Friends, family, or informal group settings . Not only is sharing your healthy habits with family and friends socially satisfying, it increases accountability and creates an entire environment of health. And wouldn’t you rather help change your friends’ habits than have to think about changing your friends? • Formal settings. Evidence suggests that group meetings can be a more effective way to lose weight than doing it on your own. Some medical facilities offer clinically based behavioral groups that spur weight loss and health maintenance by combining group dynamics with a professional counselor. Commercial programs also offer oppo...

On of the healthiest habits you can adopt for successful transformation and lifelong health is properly managing your stress.  The American Institute of Stress lists 50, yes 50 common signs and symptoms of stress.   You can find that list here.   As you can see, although s tress is often considered a psychological or emotional problem, it actually has very strong physical effects.  They include an increase in adrenaline secretion, higher blood pressure, increased heart rate, muscle tension, and slow digestion.   When stress hormones cortisone and cortisol are released, the immune system is suppressed, which can make the body vulnerable to colds and infections and delay healing.  Additionally,  cortisol is bad news for fat loss because it encourages build up around the midsection. It may also deplete the body of potassium, magnesium and calcium, leading to nutrient deficiencies. SO..how do we combat the effects of stress?   First. we break down our...

I LOVE acronyms..  I came across this scrolling through an email.  A fresh perspective if you will on recognizing why you and I tend to "go off" plan despite our best intentions.  ALL credit goes to Toomuchonherplate.com.  I hope it inspires you as much as it did me to learn about myself!

"Too often, we've presented people with a false choice.  Take immediate action, or do nothing.  Ad those are bad choices for most people.  If they take action and they aren't ready, half will fail.  And if they don't take action, they'll continue with their unhealthy lifestyle."  - James Prochaska If you have ever wanted to make a change, you are one of the courageous ones - embarking on a big journey!  It is literally easier said than done, and (as psychology shows us)  is not a simple linear process.  It has stages - much like a seed laying dormant, eventually budding above the ground. I found that Prochaska's Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change was fascinating as it related to my weight loss transformation, and those of the clients I have helped.  Knowledge and awareness is powerful! For a more detailed description of each stage, follow this link : The Stages of Change _________________________________________________________________...

Day 20 Message:  We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds… Claim and consciously use your power.  - Louise L. Hay Today we explore how life feels when the old burdens have lifted. When our mind, body, and spirit become lighter, our life becomes a field of new possibilities.  A s we are freed from the restraints of old habits and self-criticisms, we may feel a lightness of mood, confidence, and joyousness. With an expansive spirit we feel unlimited, peaceful, and creative. O:  Often what looks like a burden or a dark patch is actually the universe conspiring to point us in a new direction.  When you can see obstacles for what they are and course-correct to a new path, you never lose faith that Light with a capital L, is really trying to help guide you to your highest purpose.  That, of course, is where we all want to go.  Another favorite bible verse of mine is ‘Lord lead me to the rock that is higher ...